Consistency vs. Persistence

Like a lot of people out there, I have had a long rollercoaster of a relationship with consistency. Not only would I set these ridiculously high standards for myself, I would pile on that with the expectation of consistency. It left me crushed and feeling miserable about myself for a long time.

One day, as a thought experiment, I let go of consistency as a bare minimum level of acceptance for myself, just to see what effect it would have on me, how I felt, and what happened to the relationship between me and the thing. Here’s an oversimplified example: Journaling has been a habit close to my heart for most of my life. I have journaled in one form or another for over 2 decades now, but I’ve rarely been ’consistent’. My go-to response to whenever I fell off the so-called wagon was to be disappointed in myself. How could I do this AGAIN!?! Over time, I’d develop this mental barrier against journaling, and it would feel like this ridiculously annoying chore that I’d always end up feeling ’too tired’ for. (by the way, the recent learning that while physical tiredness is definitely a thing, but tiredness is also sometimes an emotional response!! this blew my mind!) What started with that tiny thought experiment was a radical overhaul of my internal narrative. Letting go of the expectation of consistency meant that I was actually more likely to get back into it after a ’dry spell’, with just as much enthusiasm as the last time and not having to deal with all the drama that came with it. Overall, that sounds like a net positive effect to me, and that is without even accounting for the fact that I don’t feel as bad about myself on a regular basis.

Persistence is well aware of the fact that there will of course be periods in my life where I won’t be able to prioritize all the things that bring me joy and health, but is also self-assured that I trust myself to periodically check in with myself and, most importantly: listen. This story has played out in similar ways for me with a lot of my creative pursuits, including writing itself. I’ve gotten better at bringing things back, or getting back into things after a while and not associating it with a sense of self-shame. It still stings. My perfectionist tendencies aren’t dormant or anything; I’ve just gotten better at not taking them as seriously all. the. time. I used to think if I let go of these standards, it would be a slippery slope to the absolute oblivion of never doing anything. That though, is just another example of a voice that needn’t be given that much attention. I have, in fact, found that when my basic needs are being met, I generally do enjoy and improve and follow all these callings, just at a different pace than I would have expected.

So, here’s a takeaway: Show up, even if shabbily/imperfectly; don’t let perfectionism paralyze you. Set your future self up for success, don’t make them feel bad about themselves, be nice to them, and they will have a better shot at doing fun and fulfilling things.

P.S.: this website was created on International Women’s Day 2022. It’s been a little over a year now, and I’ve enjoyed this a lot. I hope this can reach more eyes in the future, so, if you know anyone who might enjoy any of this, please share it with them :)